He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
