omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
