There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
