i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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