Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
