I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
