Moan for me like Helen Keller
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
