You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
