I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
