I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
