Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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