were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
