I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
