So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He passed out mid-signature
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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