how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
