did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize