the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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