In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
