I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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