It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
