Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
