i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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