I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Drake has all the answers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
