jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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