I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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