Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
