it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
