I murdered the dance floor call the cops
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
