Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
