Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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