we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
