you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
