and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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