My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
