1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
