hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
