Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
