cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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