Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
