I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
