I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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