i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
