I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
