its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
