I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
