ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
