Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
