i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
