my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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