My room smells like vodka and shame
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
