no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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